you're gonna pay for the hell that you've done
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: Dean is watching Cas fade away second by second and there's not a damn thing he can do about it. Tag to 12x12, Stuck in the Middle (With You)


**A/N: Goddamn this episode gave me all the feelings. Can we just agree to stop hurting Cas now? Please? I hope I can do it justice with this little fic.**

 **Warning: Swearing throughout**

* * *

Cas is dying, and Dean knows there's no way around it this time. He's not going to be magically rebuilt by God or simply bounce back as he has done so many times in the past. He's dying and it's slow, and painful, and so very, very final. He feels tears prick the back of his eyes as he takes in Cas's wound and the spidery black lines that stretch out from it but he forces them back and pastes on a smile, makes some bullshit comment about having had worse.

"Oh yeah? When?" Cas growls and that stops Dean short because he can't give the angel a proper answer.

 _Hell_ the voice in the back of his mind whispers, but he doesn't say it because he knows that Cas doesn't need to be hearing this now, he needs to focus on getting better and he _is_ going to get better.

"I think I'm dying."

"No. No, you just need some time, okay? You'll heal up the old fashioned way." Never mind the fact that healing from a wound like this requires a hospital, and there isn't one for miles because they're in the middle of fucking nowhere. Never mind the fact that most people would have died from a wound like this already and probably the only reason Cas is still alive right now is because he's an angel. Dean knows he's lying through his teeth, and Cas knows it too but he's going to make himself believe it because goddammit he cannot lose any more friends, not now, not ever again.

He hears parts of Sam and Mary's whispered conversation but they have more pressing matters on their hands right now so he calls his brother over even though he knows that Sam won't be able to help any more than he can. He sees the same panic and worry and guilt that he feels reflected back at him when he looks at Sam and Dean has never felt so helpless in all his life.

"You idiots." An all too familiar voice comes from behind them because of course - of fucking _course_ \- Crowley would be mixed up with this too. "You're all going to die."

* * *

Crowley's gone because the bastard won't dare to risk his own precious neck, and Cas is still dying. Dean asks how bad it is even though he really doesn't want to know and he's horrified to see the black veins creeping up Cas's neck, higher and higher each second. They remind him of the lines that appeared on Amara's victims when she unleashed that fog (the lines that appeared on Sam, but Dean is definitely not thinking about that) but this isn't like that because that had a cure, and this, according to Crowley, does not. Not that Dean cares what Crowley thinks; he's going to find Cas a cure if it kills him.

Cas wants them to leave, but he should know that there is no way in hell any of them are leaving because no matter what went down in the past, not matter what these _cosmic consequences_ are, he is still their brother and Dean would die before leaving him behind. Dean goes to tell him so, but Cas interrupts him and Dean knows the mother of all final speeches is coming and he suddenly wishes he was anywhere but here and that Cas wasn't dying in front of him.

* * *

Cas said so many things, but Dean is still stuck at the fact that these eight, crappy, long years he spent with them have been the best of his millennia long life. Over those years, Cas has died God knows how many times (literally), had to kill hundreds of his siblings, been betrayed and still somehow, inexplicably, he counts these as the best of his life. He can't deny that Cas has changed; he's certainly not the same 'I'm an Angel of the Lord' Castiel who stalked into that barn in Illinois, all cool indifference and judgemental attitude. He can see that Mary doesn't understand what they have shared, but Sam does and Cas is right; they are a family. A messed up, screwed to hell family, but family all the same.

"I love you," Cas whispers, and if that isn't testament to how serious this is then Dean doesn't know what it is. They've always had this unspoken love between them, they all have, but saying it out loud is almost taboo - they only do it if they think that they won't make it out. At least, it used to be that way. Now they just... don't.

He still wants them to leave, and Dean might laugh if not for the resignation that colours Cas's tone. He said it himself; they're family and that's all a Winchester has, all they've ever had. John drilled it into them for years that they never leave family behind, and Dean isn't about to start now.

* * *

Ramiel is dead and they still don't have a cure. Cas roars in pain and the three of them rush to his side, ignoring Crowley who is beginning to stir in the corner. There's nothing any of them can do except offer reassurances that they're not going to leave as a thick black substance oozes out of Cas's mouth while he convulses on the seat. Sam looks at him with desperation in his eyes and panic in his voice.

"What do we do?" he asks, but Dean doesn't answer because there's nothing _to_ do except sit and wait for Cas to die which is so damn unfair because there is _always_ something, there is _always_ a cure but they turned up fuck all and Dean isn't prepared to lose him, not again-

A loud snap comes from behind them and bright blue light fills the room. Dean moves his arm to shield his face as the light seems to radiate from Cas's head, blinding him and Dean wonders if this is it, but it's not like any other angel death he's seen before.

The light dies and Cas is okay. Blood still soaks the hem of his shirt but his eyes are clear, if a little confused, and any trace of the poison from the lance has gone. Dean stares at Crowley for a few seconds - he's holding the two halves of the lance and staring at them with fascination.

"Magic's in the craftsmanship," he explains, but Dean couldn't care less at the minute because Cas is alive and that's all that matters right now. He feels guilty as he looks at the angel because Crowley - of all people, _Crowley_ \- saved him when Dean couldn't, but he pushes those feelings aside in favour of tending to his friend.

"You're welcome," Crowley says flippantly as they rise to their feet, before dropping the broken lance and disappearing.

* * *

They help Cas to his feet and Dean holds onto him maybe a second or two longer than necessary just to make sure he's really okay and he's not going to collapse and die at any moment. But Cas stays standing and Dean breathes a sigh of relief because that was way too fucking close for comfort.

"What did he mean about somebody stealing from him?"

"Who knows what that crazy man was talking about?" Dean quickly responds, because he really has no clue what Ramiel meant, and anyway, demons lie, right? Maybe he should care, but he honestly doesn't because they're all alive, Ramiel is dead, and that's all that matters. He is done with everybody he loves almost dying and he is done with cosmic consequences and Lucifer's baby hounding them so who can blame him if he just wants this one little thing to go away? He meets Cas's gaze and nods firmly.

"Let's go home."

* * *

 **A/N: I hope that worked! I had a completely different idea before but then this popped into my head a couple of hours ago and it was so much better than my other idea. Thank you guys for reading and please leave a review if you have a moment. Bye!**


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